I’m not Connecting with my Therapist. What do I do?
You make the decision to start therapy. You read through the profiles and find a provider. You make your appointment. You attend your first session, and something just doesn’t seem right. What do you do when you do not feel like you are connecting with your therapist?
Today we take the time to share some insights on how to navigate this less-than-ideal situation. There are plenty of options that you can take here, but please know, you are not the only one who has experienced a lack of connection with the therapist that they select.
First of all, it is okay to change therapists.
Therapy is a very personal process and feeling safe and comfortable matters. In fact, the American Psychological Association has conducted studies on the client-therapist relationship and noted that better relationships with clients actually increased the positive outcomes of the therapy process (1). So this is a very legitimate decision to make and finding the right provider may be a part of your healing journey.
If you are considering changing therapists or curious if you may have the right fit for a therapist here are a few steps that you can take.
Initiate the conversation and ask the question. It should be an open conversation between you and your therapist about your progress and treatment goals. I often incorporate conversations into the pattern of conversation with my clients to ensure that they feel that their needs are being met, but if that has not happened yet in your therapy process, it is okay and helpful to bring it up.
Tell the therapist what you think will help you reach your goals best. Again, hopefully, this is an ongoing conversation, but if you are looking for a very structured style therapy session with homework and skill building, and accountability on task completion, tell your therapist that! I tell all of my clients that there are many ways to do therapy correctly and I can alter my style and process with each person if they know what they are looking for and can let me know their expectations. It is possible that a brief conversation may be able to make the therapy relationship that you are in more comfortable just by asking, and if not, its a great way to work with your therapist toward a good referral option.
Therapists with good training and a healthy sense of self should be prepared to manage these conversations with grace and understanding. As an LCSW supervisor, one of the many conversations that is discussed in the process of training new therapists is that we are not the correct fit for every client and that it is so much more helpful to be a safe transition point to another provider than leave those asking therapy services frustrated or feeling disconnected. If you are working with a well-trained therapist they should be ready to discuss all of the options with you to help you reach your goals.
If you are seeking therapy through a group practice setting, it is entirely possible that you may be able to switch providers to the same practice and avoid “starting over” with paperwork and records transfers. As a group practice owner, I work hard to collect a team of different experiences, backgrounds, personalities, and interests so that we have options to help connect potential clients with a person that they can feel connected with.
Things just are not working, where should I look now?
It is okay, that your first therapist option was not the right fit. It is actually very amenable that you know yourself well enough to know your needs and advocate for them. (While we do not suggest “therapist hopping “ or changing therapist many times, as this may interfere with progress, it is a completely different thing to trust your gut and advocate for what you know is best for you.) There are several great places to start in finding the next right fit for you.
Ask your current therapist if they know someone with the characteristics you are looking for.
Utilize your insurance provider search if you are looking for someone in network with your insurance provider and the in-network cost is a high need for you.
Use a search engine/ google search in your area. Some good places to start may be:
Utilize population/specialty-specific therapist reach databases like:
EMDRIA (EMDR therapists)
And if you are located in the DFW area or are interested in online therapy and a resident of Texas, we would love for a member of our team to have the opportunity to connect with you.
